Taking A Friend To Task - Part One

The longer you know someone, the greater the knowledge of that person. That knowledge can be positive or negative. Frequently, your oldest friends are the people who have revealed their true nature under different pressures and so are the ones who have most frequently failed those pressures' tests. However, what can you do? You are invested in the relationship. Confrontations are ugly moments that, if handled badly, can lead to changes in the friendship dynamic and no one likes to rock the boat. In the worst case it can lead to the end of a friendship which is arguably worse than the end of a girlfriend or boyfriend. Lovers come and go but friends should be there forever, or at least that is what we are taught. A person without strong long-lasting friendships is viewed suspiciously by society. There is a reason why popularity is repeatedly referred to in the same breath as success. How they view themselves is an entirely different matter. Self judgement and self actualisation are adversely affected when there is not someone trustworthy to act as a life soundboard. 

So , friendships are important. Mankind is a social animal but when your social circle contains 'problem elements', what do you do? Here are some examples and suggestions. Perhaps you would recognise some traits within your friends and will take these suggestions and run with them. Perhaps you will recognise those traits within yourself. 

The Unthinker

There is always a friend that asks you for something unreasonable. To be picked up from an airport at 3AM but only telling you at 2AM. To borrow money, then to make you follow their suddenly revised repayment plan which includes them doing 'favours', like Inopportune neck rubs. To have be the Designated Driver, but instead of a direct ride home, they insist on going to an out of the way chicken restaurant so they can grab a 2-Piece. 

Why do they do this? 

They're not testing you and they're not trying to make you their bitch. If that were the case, hopefully you would have recognised this as a poisonous relationship and you would have ended it. Being forced into kowtowing to another's will is demeaning, dehumanising and totally unacceptable in the one life you have to live on this Earth.

So why do they do this?

 They do it because they are not thinking about anyone but themselves. They are blinkered in their societal world peripheral view. They are unthinking and to a degree, they probably prefer it that way. Why wouldn't they? They are getting literally everything they want and their life is cruising along delightfully. 

Perhaps the real question should be why do you do this. You want your friends to be happy, you want your friends to be friendly but also, you do not want to be judged. You don't want to be known as the guy who says 'No' in the group. The same peer pressure you experience a s a child to follow your friend's thinking exists as an adult with the same problematic issues. 

So stop.

Make a note of all the times they help you and all the times you help them. Keeping an account sounds sociopathic and it is to a degree. You're trying to change society in an inorganic manner. Live with that decision. Writing things down allows you to separate fact from emotional fiction. Writing things down allows you to disse exactly what point, what issue, what ridiculous moment broke the friendship camel's back. It also allows you to talk to your friend about the issue calmly. Ha, I'm sorry, that was a joke. Talking to your friend abiut your friendship will always put a strain on that friendship. The Heisenberg Principle  states an object will change simply through the at of observing that object. Talking may work with HR and your offi co workers but for your close long term friends, talk is cheap. Affect a change by creating a change within yourself. Act differently to your friend , by not saying yes, and your friend had to act diffently to you.