My Day At The Bank

I went to the bank today. Last time I went, it ended up with a shouting match. This time I was resolved to remain calm at all times. So' I spent the entire time LiveMessaging my beautiful fiancé . Fiancée? Which one is the girl? Anyway.....

Grosse Pointe Blank's Guide To ELT

Well, based on the positive response I received for my last ELT Blog, I felt I had to do another one! Byt he way, there is a glorious feeling having your views on teaching validated by a larger community of trained teachers. Thank you to everyone who complimented the last blog. It can currently be seen on my best friend Anne's blog . Check it out, not only for my piece but also for her great ELT works and thoughts.

So this week's blog is going to be based on one of my favorite films growing up. I feel it is quite relevant to the expat community, dealing as it does with going home after long absences. Sometimes it can feel like everyone else has been in a glass bubble and you totally, while of course, to your family and friends you're the same person you were when you first left. Frustrating, isn't it?

Anyways, I am talking about the great hitman comedy, Grosse Pointe Blank. This movie stars the Cusack Siblings, Dan Ackroyd, Minnie Driver and a bunch of indie specialists. John Cusack plays a hitman who is suffering malaise from his current life. His secretary suggests his return to his school in time for a ten year high school reunion. I heartily recommend this movie to anyone who likes, quick wit, sharp dialogue,  well set action scenes and Dan Ackroyd.
 
Martin Q. Blank: Do you *really* believe that there's some stored up conflict that exists between us? There *is* no us. *We* don't exist. So who do you wanna hit, man? It's not me. Now whaddya wanna do here, man?

This scene takes place between Martin and his highschool nemesis/jock bully. However, it could just as easily be between you and your students. All lesson long they've been the worst. Chewing gum, looking at you with "Juguleh" eyes, talking to their friend, playing on their phone, being a complete assclown. You berate them, you tried to work with them you used all your tricks. Nothing worked and have to admit the truth. This kid 'beat' you. 

Well, that's not true. Because the kid doesn't even think of it as a competition. As soon as the bell rings he does not think about you for the rest of the day. And when he comes to sit back down in your class, he won't remember your epic struggle at all. So, knowing that, are you really going to stress about how he is out to ruin your lesson? Are you going to build up a family feud that will last a lifetime? Grow up. You're an adult. He's a kid. Do your job to the best of your abilities and check your negative emotion at the door. Be a professional.


Debi: How come you never learned that it was wrong? That there are certain things you do not do, you do not do in a civilized society?

Marty: Which civilizations are we talking about?

Debi: Oh, shut up!

Marty: I mean, history...

Debi: Shut up!

Man, some kids never learn the right way to do things, do they? Like putting up their hands, or not  whispering the answer to their friend loudly so everyone knows they are the smartest person in the room. Like, not wanting to hug your leg when you walk through their kindy classroom? Like, not sleeping at the start of a lesson? Well, a lttle empathy here wouldn't hurt. Kindy kids like hugging people. Teenagers like to sleep. Smartarses like to shout out the answer. You cannot control everything in your classroom and trying to do so will make you super unfriendly in the kids' eyes, which makes your life harder, and it will make you more stressed which will make your kids' lives harder. Take a breath, be easy, be cool, be a fucking professional.

Martin Q. Blank: It's a poem? See, that's the problem... express yourself, Bob! Go for it.

Bob: "When I feel... quiet... when... I feel... blue..."

Martin Q. Blank: You know, I think that is *terrific*, what you have right there. Really, I liked it, a lot. I wouldn't sell the dealership or anything but, I'm tellin' ya... it's intense!

Bob: There's... more.

Martin Q. Blank: Okay, would ya mind, just skip to the end.

Whoops! Martin displaying a fail here. Teachers, your kid is opening up to you about someting they do in their private time. How about you don't belittle or ignore it. Some kids really want a mentor, an adult they can be themselves with. If they decide it is going to be you and you are seriously not honoured by that, I seriously question your motives for being a teacher. You're there to do your job, to be a role model. Do your job. Be a professional.


Debi: You're a fucking *psycho*.

Marty: Don't rush to judgment on something like that until all the facts are in.


Covered this thought process before in the earlier post but it is sooooo valid. We love to compartmentalize our students into good, bad, ugly, questionable meat etc, but let's just remember everyone has the capapcity to have a complex character, or at least a character with the ability to change their mood and personality. Psychos can be heroes on any given Monday. Princesses can be Alien Queens. Also,sidenote, if you are teaching eleven to thirteen years olds, the puberty is a nightmare for a teacher. You will ask yourself why is my student suddenly so truculent? She used to be such a darling! Hormones are a bitch. Just keep doing your job. Be a professional.

Bob: You wanna do some blow?

Martin Q. Blank: No I don't.

Don't do drugs. You're in a country that apparently loves to send foreigners to jail for doing drugs. Don't do drugs. Also, on a more important note, students love their downtime between classes. It can be tempting to join in and play with them  before you do, ask yourself if they should be playing this game on the school premises and whether you joining in is a wise career decision. Yes, middle schoolers play card games. I think the head teacher may have a problem if he sees you teaching those middle scholers how to three bet the turn in Texas Hold Em. Be a professional.

Flow

My friend read one of my blog entries the other day and said he liked it.  Being the ego whore that I am, I asked to hear more. "It was good because it felt natural.  It felt earnest. It felt like your weren't forcing it.  Sometimes when you write , I think you're trying too hard."  Aside from being an abject lesson as to why you should not pursue compliments, it raised some points.  

I can accept I am a writer. I have been published in different formats and to varying( read, middling) levels of success. I used to say I was an aspiring author until my beautiful lady pointed out my former academy has published ten and plans  to publish over sixty more of my short stories. So this is a thing for me. It is not a hobby nor an interest.  It is not a job although I occasionally get paid.  Even if the payment is drinks coupons at a rainy beach party or a discount on sausages.  Having the ability to write and know that that will pay the rent and put mythical children through college would be nice. Then again, so would 'lottery winner' and I do believe there is a comparable amount of luck to both gigs.  

Now this is where some people disagree because they think you can work at your writing.  To some degree they have a point.  Salman Rushdie says to aspiring writers (and therefore not me, clearly) to treat writing like any other job.  You sit at your desk from nine to five and DO YOUR JOB.  The more you do anything, the better you get at it. My friend from the beginning of this article likes to punch and kick things. He's not a crazy homeless man. He is a martial artist.  He says muscle memory requires doing the same thing ten thousand times.  I have not written ten thousand notes.  I've barely written 'the' ten thousand times. Clearly working at your passion improves your appreciation of and your ability within said passion. 

So where does this friend get off talking about trying too hard?  He must be taking about letting my writing flow naturally.  To have an idea and to express it easily.  How lovely! What a wonderful notion, to take any opportunity and any subject and just be able to expound effortlessly.  Sometimes of course that's not possible. 

Everything is hard to everyone all the time. I am going to disregard the babies who can shoot three pointers or mathematical geniuses.  They're genetic freaks, so far outside the norm as opposed to be needing to be shunned by the norm.  I love those guys but they're not you or me. Everything is hard to everyone all the time. My friend, who I realize is taking a few too many rides on the example train, may be great at getting someone to tap out.  It does not mean he can do it without exerting himself, without thinking it through, without accepting and working through the problem. 

So when I write, occasionally  I'm blessed with a revelation. Awesome! Now I have  writing fervour.  Sometimes something interesting happens. Cool. I have a fun story to embellish.  WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF THE TIME? I have to write about something! I have to make it witty! I have to be socially relevant! By writing more and more, I can write more and more. I am not alone in this process. Runners love being able to push themselves further in more torrid circumstances. Painters live for creating 'their best works yet'. Both do not come overnight.  They come through many, many hours of suffering and torment.  

So, I say to my friend and I say to you.  Yes, sometimes my writing will stink.  Sometimes it'll jar and you'll want to give up on me.  Sometimes you'll want to compare my writing to shoving a stick up your arse, dipping it in tar and then spreading it on the wall. Recognize that it's all part of a larger process to self improvement.  Believe that one day, something amazing will come out of it. Then recognize that within your own struggles in your own passion.