My Day At The Bank

I went to the bank today. Last time I went, it ended up with a shouting match. This time I was resolved to remain calm at all times. So' I spent the entire time LiveMessaging my beautiful fiancé . Fiancée? Which one is the girl? Anyway.....

A Bad Day Spiral.

Some days really suck. You are in the middle of your pay schedule so you do not have a lot of funds and you have far, far too long to the next pay cheque. You know you should not be living pay cheque to pay cheque and you castigate yourself over that because you are not the offspring of your responsible parents.  You are halfway through the teaching schedule for Winter Camp and the combination of sleep deprivation, mismanaged course schedules and kids high on life has you going slightly crazy.  And you have other shit going on. Deep, mysterious shit no one else could possibly understand nor process more successfully than you.

Life is super tough.

You go through the day picking at all the things going wrong for you. The bus did not wait for you. You were too heavy for the building lift and were unceremoniously kicked out by a grumpy ajumma. Your co worker is all sweetness and light then tells you she wants you to make a test for the class in the enxt ten minutes. Your phone falls into a cup of coffee. A kid kicks you in the shins. The subway charges your passcard twice for the same journey. Your friends and family seem to have got their entire act together and you don't even know your lines half the time. People getting engaged, married, having kids, buying houses, being *successful*. And you are not.

Well now hang on a minute.

You have a job. You have a house. You are eminently employable. You have friends. You have family. You have food in the fridge. You have clothes. You have heating and light. You're not doing too bad.

This day is like any other. Yes, some bad stuff happened. You missed that bus but another one will come along soon. Your co worker may have trouble explaining when you have to do things. Your levels of preparedness are increasing even as we speak and you certainly should not get stressed over their mistake. Yes, Winter Camp is hard for some people. Yes, Mid month is  shitty time, especially after Xmas and New Year's.  But you are going to make it. You always do.

I have a busted knee and thought I was going to have no way of paying for it. My school has since set me up with insurance and I have a charitable benfactor to help me out. My school has been super lovely to me and it is going to all work out. Something happens. Don't get me wrong. Sometimes, that thing has to be from you, and that is the hardest thing. Digging deep, finding the energy to fix your situation. Finding the ability to ask for help when you normally would not. FInding the skill to act indepeneedntly when you normally wouldn't.

However, your problem is solved, you know it will not be the end of your world. It will, in time, be a footnote. So do not let it get you down. This, like eveyrthing else, will pass.

But seriously, some days really do suck.

The Day Daegu Went To The Races

Another successful Saturday night.Your usual mix of drinks, fights, hugs, tears and laughter.

But that's another story.  I absentmindedly put the soccer player's jockstrap off my head and into my top shirt pocket. Again, that's another story. 

Yes, like a handkerchief.

I went to the taxi rank and stood in the organized line. We all dutifully waited our turn. Ha, how weird would that be! It wasn't a particularly memorable taxi-line fight. I held my end up but I felt the other participants were lacklustre at best. So after clotheslining the woman in the improbably high miniskirt I was free to choose my ride home. Her gurgled response from the bloodied Tarmac seemed to say 'You were right David.  These clothes were unsuitable to win a taxi fight.' I nodded to her, accepting her acceptance, and opened the taxi door.  That's when it all went wrong. 

The cab driver was listening intently to his cb. It was odd.  The guy was not watching TV.  He was not listening to Korean Traditional Trot. My ears thanked him. He seemed almost nervous. No, scratch that. He was anticipatory. Like a rapist watching a roofied victim slowly become relaxed, he seemed to be biding his time. I have ssen that look before. Whatever, I don't care. The dreams are fading and my music teacher still writes to me from prison.  Now who's crying?

Hopefully, Djokovic again.Come on, Murray!  Tennis, that's a real sport. LOL.

 I just wanted to go home.  I told him  where I lived in my perfect cabnbeerean.  Nothing.  I repeated myself, figuring he was one of those cabbies who needed repetitions.  Nothing. Suddenly the cb went off.  I would not normally notice except my drunken ability to understand Korean had somehow ameliorated to outstanding.  I understood everything being said. 

"Drivers to the start line. We got a race." The cab started. I was pushed back by the force into the seat. The bucket seat. Something was off. I looked around the inside of the cab. It was very bright.  J.J.Abrams would have been blinded by this lens flare. What the hell was going on?

The inside of the cab was not THAT different by Korean standards.

The cab drove through to the Kyoungpook Uni HospitalSubway  crossroads. The police had lined up the road for their night time drinks checks. Only.. Some cars were just waiting there.  And they were not your average Sonatas or Matizes.

Also, it appears they are on fire.

And one of the policeman looked oddly familiar. 

No way.

Best. Photoshop. Ever.

 It was then I also noticed something about my cabbie. It was not that he was lacking in Korean features. It was that he was overcompensating by having all kinds of Bro. There was so much Bro coming off this dude, I felt the sweaty strangulation of a thousand polo neck shirts being worn at once.  I looked across the way. There were signs this was not going to be your usual ride home.

The rules were simple. There were no rules. The other rules were: you had to get your fare home and back again. I laughed at this. I lived so close my boy just had to win.

"Hey man, what's your name?" I asked him.

"Pau - I mean, Brian. Brian Pillbox. Or something."  I was impressed with his ability to remember almost half his name.

"Brian, I live literally just down the road. You cannot lose."

"Oh man, That's what Liddy said. Then she died and came back to life."

"I'm sorry. I don't know what a Liddy is. I'm an English teacher. I use real words."

The next rule according to the ludicrously afroed policeman : go to the 24 hour burger King drive thru and collect whatever the fare wanted to eat.


"Dude, That's awesome. I want a double whopper no cheese, chicken royale, fuck it, I'll have a Royal Box. And a Coke  Zero."

Zero times any number equals zero. That's why I don't put on weight.

"No, you'll get a hamburger. A generic hamburger. Our shoot cannot afford to pay our sponsors."

 "BriPaul, I don't think that's how sponsorship works. And you say 'shoot', like this is a movie. Is this a movie? Am I going to be on Korean television every day for the next four months?"

"Shut up, just let me drive."

"Okay, but I do want a whopper."

"I told you! Generic names only!"

"Okay I'll eat a Biggie. Is that racist?"

"I honestly don't know what is racist anymore. I race against latinos, blacks and asians and I always seem to win. That can't be right, can it? I mean, the Law of Large Numbers would dictate I would lose eventually. But no, the white man is superior in every race. What's that all about? And I only lose to some guy whose ethnic background is so unknown, his DNA is probably some kind of pumped up quadruple Helix*."

Honestly, this may have been the most words that Paul Walker has ever said in a row. and I had to make it all up for it to happen.**

"Okay, well some kind of a large burger, then."

But seriously, I was hungry.

I'm just saying, this is the driver for fatties.

The cars lined up and we got ready to go. Man, I regretted winning that Taxi Line FIght...

TO BE CONTINUED

  *

Obligatory pic of the Deezer. "What is it Precious, WHAT IS IT?"

**Also, not to take away from the moment, but how funny was it to have his dopey bro accent say "Quadruple Helix'?

Email Transcripts Between A Robot and its New Hagwan Boss

Phone Noir

Phone Noir.

The day began as ever, with hazy recollection of the night before.There had been Soju.  I knew that.  There had been shouting and finger pointing.  There was always those things with Soju.  

There had been boasting.  Manly boasting.  Big man boasting.  Anthony talking about his big brown beauty.  Nick talking about his woman and how they liked playing with her magic hole.  Jeremy and how his could light up his whole life. And I was jealous, gorram it.  Jealous like a fox.  And I said the stupidest thing ever.

"Fine.  I'll get a phone as well."

I swore I would never get a phone again, not after last time. I swore I would never go back.  I made a promise to myself, to my lady... Damn. 
 She might leave me if I got back into that world.  I walked away from all of that.  And now I was going to go back into the Lion's Den.  

I scribbled a note. "Gone shopping. Back soon."  The sin of omission weighed heavy like an Eskimo woman's nipple in the dead of winter. I pulled out my bag and felt the cold steel inside. History repeating.  I strapped the holster and checked my magazines were still oiled. 

I hate shopping for phones. 

I walked to SK towers.  I hoped I could avoid seeing him. There was enough blood poured on the pavement every day.  I did not want to add to it, one way or the other. The towers had three phone shops.  Get in, get the phone get out. Avoid the smartphones.  Avoid the contracts. Avoid getting contracted.  Avoid him. But the world has spun. The corner qook store, deserted.  The subway KTF, nothing more than whitewashed windows. The roadside LG, nothing but a pair of massage chairs left in the place. Someone had squealed. Someone ratted me out.



He knew I was coming.  He knew I was coming for a phone. 

I tried. I went to Beomeo.  I wanted to not go to that place again. I would do anything to avoid that place. I could not risk letting my inner beast unleash. I went to Dunkin and got my Cuppa Joe and a cream cheese beigel.  The girl seemed so innocent. 

"Do you know where I could buy a phone around here?"

"Oh no, sorry.  No phone stores here, David."

She knew my name.  Dammit! I felt a cold sweat, I wanted to pull the piece there and then and let hellfire take us all.  Get a grip. That's what he wants you to do.  I smiled and walked away. I looked next door where the Olleh Superstore put paid to her lies, put the punch line to his joke. 

Well, shit, two can play this game. 

I walked into the superstore and walked up to the prepay counter. The two salesmen looked at me uneasily. I looked at them hard and long like something pornographic. I sauntered over to one of the plastic desks and sat down.  I slowly ate my beigel letting crumbs fall on their floor. They looked at the floor, the ceiling, one of them even started to gorram dust the counter.  I chewed my last mouthful then stood up suddenly. They dove behind the counter. Pussies. Then again, this was never in their pay grade. They thought it would all be shiny suits and grabbing girls off the street. They didn't think I would ever be back. I thought about making an example of them. Then I remembered my mission. I wouldn't have enough bullets as it was. 

I walked to the door , my silhouette fill the room.

"Tell him I'm coming." 

______________________________________________

The subway ride was exactly as expected.  The carriage cleared as I sat down, two ajoshis staring at me from the exits. 


I stared dead ahead. History repeating.  Get the phone.  Get out. No contracts.  No 4G. No more blood than absolutely necessary. Banwoldang music playing like a bagpipe of retribution. I got up and tipped my hat to the old men. They shook their heads in amazement. 

"You crazy bastard, I hope you live," their blank gazes seemed to say.  Up into the sub mart.  Twin Ollehs marked their territory here. I knew it was futile.  I knew it was only sucking time from a vacuum.  I knew I wouldn't just do what he wanted. I walked into one and could feel the eyes from the salesmen from the other store throwing daggers. I knew I couldn't be long. My stoic outward appearance belied the manic laughter in my soul.  The monster was coming out of its cage. I approached the counter. 

"Hi, my son needs a phone.  We're looking for one of them iPhone Sixes with the Darth Vader hyperzoom big screens, bi enough to take a picture of the moon at scale. It's gotta have retina control, remote control, raisin control. You hear me, I want it to control raisins!"

"Um, no English ."

"Sure, I hear ya, I hear ya.  How about one of them satellite phones? I'm talking Vietnam, drop the rain!"

The unmistakable sound of lacquered leather shoes running made me smile at the poor boy. His friends were coming to save him. Only thing, who was going to save them?

I grabbed the boy and dragged him over the counter. I dragged him out to the fountain forecourt and threw him towards his five compadres. They skidded to a stop on the tiled floor. One fell in the fountain. 

"Boys, we can do the easy way or the -" I began. 

They screamed and ran at me. I smiled. Okay then. The really easy way.  

The blood washed well enough away.  The ajummas' screams would take longer. Focus.  Just get the phone. I walked past the police station. They were closed.  Figured. They would not want to get involved in this.  Not on this day.  Not after last time. 

Phone street. Son of a bitch. My own hell cycle.  Shop after shop after shop all run by the man, an army of ill fitting shiny suits and polo shirts.  A cacophony of K-Pop.  They all walked out of their shops and they carried enough to drop King king. All this for little old me. And then he came through them.  

Damn The Man.  He smoked his skinny cigarette like a Korean movie gangster, that is to say, like a geek sucks on a strawberry milkshake. He smiled his oh so cool little smile.  "He thinks he won," I thought.  "He might be right," a thought betrayed. "You're old. You might be too old to do all this again." "Shut up, brain. I have no time for you."

"David, it is good to see old customers again." Strawberry milkshake sucking.  "I thought we agreed it would be better if you didn't come here again. You chose your phone.  How is she?"

I smiled, masking my grimace. Hiding my torment. Stuck in WiFi purgatory, a mask of perfection hiding the grim inoperative reality.  

"I want a phone.  No reason to lose anymore of your boys". 

"We have many fine Korean smartphones.  Pick one. We have great two year contracts. Do you have your alien registry card?"  The Man started to laugh.  His men started to laugh.  Dammit.  The beast was already out. Oh well. 

"I don't want your skinny breakable pieces of shit that last two hours fully charged.  I want a brick. I want a solid piece of European fashion.  I want twelve hours at ten per cent. I want to play Snake and feel the luxury.  I want a gorram Nokia 3210."

The guns slid into my palms and the weight felt so good. 

"And no contracts!"

________________________________________________

....I don't know how much time passed. Hours, minutes, seconds, microns.  All I knew as I limped away blood coagulating around my calf, the smoke tearing my eyes, the screams pinging through my ruptured ear drums, all I knew was this.  

You couldn't change the situation.  This is phone town, Jack.  

But I got my phone. 

Five DIY Tips Living In Korea; Dos And Don'ts.

Well, look. Most of you have your own place sorted out by your employer. I mean, hell, that is part of the pleasure of working here. However, you could decide to move on to a better place. And I don't mean Heaven. When you find a place, there could be a few small problems with it. When you get those problems, there are right ways and there are wrong ways to fix them. I hope these will clarify which is which. 

This set of signs have no arrows. There is no way shown. They are doing signs the wrong way. Therefore, the wrong way sign is doing it right and the right way sign...Look, it's a bad picture.

Gaps in Windows 

DO

I know you are all ready with the weather stripping. Self adhesive, easy to use, readily available. However, if you find yourself not able to get it this might be good too. Get some double sided sticky tape. If you're British giggle at the fact you have become a Blur Peter presenter. If not English, shake head at the things English insist are funny. Get shrink film. I don't care where from. I don't know, fucking Daiso.

Somewhere in here, Hoffa is buried. Probably in one of the Heart shaped letter keepers.

Wash window and frame. Stick sticky tape to frame. Put shrink tautly over tape. Make joke about stretching it out. Use hair dryer to heat the shrink film. Shrink film shrinks, thus making people who name things happy. Now you have no draft. I'd make an NFL reference but honestly I don't know anything about that. Is the Refrigerator still a super star athlete?

What a Super Star Athlete should look like. David Beckham, take note.

DON'T
Take a tube of superglue and hammer it into a plank. Put plank over hole. If this doesn't work pour oil on it and set fire to it. Enjoy the virtual feast. Then try to do again but better. When window falls out get oil drum and place in centre of room. Fill with detritus and waste. Set fire to it. Hope this will compensate for -20 degree Siberian winds. Watch hope extinguish as flame dies. Or, watch hope set fire to entire apartment block.

Still, to be fair, I bet you can't feel that Russian wind anymore. I bet you can't feel anything.

Ripped mesh.

DO

Buy a new mesh guard. It's cheap. No? You are now officially cheaper than a Jew. Apparently you break all the boundaries, allowing insects in your room and Jews in your heart. (Obviously not in your golf course though. That's cray cray). Okay then try this. Get an old mesh guard. cut a piece out that is an inch wider than the hole (pause to say any dick joke. They're all good here). Sew it to the mesh. Make that stitch tighter than (don't attempt dick joke here. You're sowing. Read the room). When finished, have honey based sex knowing insects will go insane at how you are using their nectar.

"C'mon! that guy doesn't even have his stinger in the right place. Chicks dig the worst guys!"

DON'T

Realize it is time you face all the insects as a man but on your terms, with the clear home advantage. Cake yourself in clay. Arm yourself with knife, Doom spray, bow and flammable arrows. Rip the rest Of the mesh off the window. Turn on all the lights. Hide up in the coat rack. Prepare for war.

How Arnold kills everything is why there no animals in a 5 KM radius of his house.

Cut Linoleum

 DO

Get a pro. Look, you might think cutting a piece from somewhere else, beading some caulk and mastic will take care of it. It will not. It'll cost between 200-600 to do a whole floor. That's still less than your key money. Don't. No. Don't. Put the mastic down.

Although, this looks awesome.

DON'T.


Decide the cut looks artistic. Decide that is the next big thing. Decide that cut looks like the tooth of a JackOLantern. Cut the rest of the room to fit the tooth. Take a picture. Send to landlord. Wait for royalties. Keep cutting. Find the Ondol pipes.Climb down among them. It will be years before you return to the world of man. When you do you will be King of the Little People.

How I picture life under the ondol pipes.

Frozen Pipes

DO

This one Is easier the lower down the apartment block you are. Finally those cheap ass ground level apartments come through for the ex pat. Take off the floor filter so you have the open hole. Make a joke about your last girlfriend. Take off the the shower head an dangle the whole shower as far as it will go. Make further joke about your schlong. Turn on super hot water. Frozen pipes unfrozen. Pull shower nozzle back out. Clean shower. Have shower sex with girlfriend. Remember to put up Rocky pose when staring at yourself in the mirror.

Only, you know, romantically.

DON'T

Continue to shower ignoring the blockage. Let the dirt and soap congeal around your feet. Scrap off the resultant foot fungus and cook it for your landlord. This is your thank you meal  for your new ice rink. Brushing your teeth has never been so deadly!!! Don't tell girlfriend about ice rink. Learn how to live without physical gratification as you spoon feed her unforgiving paraplegic body. Live in regret.

This guy knows what I'm talking about.

Mold

DO

I swear almost everyone has a different way to deal with mold. Some like Cillit Bang. Some like diluted Bleach. Don't scrub. Just spray and pray like Cheney in a forest. Look at that guy. He's cleaning Mold from 200 yards away. And he's doing under budget.







Some like onions in tin foil. The onion absorbs all the mold spores, like that kid from super troopers. Then carefully wrap the foil around it and move it out. Or throw it at someone. Just keep it aired and keep an eye on it.Because that thing will pop and you will be fucked.






DON'T
Invest in black lights, a baseball bat and a flamethrower. Beat the mold patch furiously. Yell at it taunting it. Turn off normal lights and turn on black lights. At this point learn whether mold glows on a black light. Do not use Internet, it's more exciting this way. If it does glow, turn on flame thrower and incinerate beautiful floating glowing orbs. If it doesn't burn everything.

House Cleaning. Fuck it, it feels right.

The other 1,344,130,000 reasons North Korea is doing nothing

So a couple blogs back, I had a cheerleading moment, espousing the might of the U.S. military and the need for the Northern army to eat. While it was well and good to base all ny 'Pfffft'ing at North Korea on America's ability to Drone them back to the Joseon, I was actually missing a key ingredient.

"Is the key ingredient 'meat'? Seriously, I'm hungry, dude"

While America has been busy having lots of war and getting all the glory (classic Independence Day schtick), North Korea has been playing the rhetoric raise game and winning.  Any time they need something from the West (and South ) they got it. However, they don't get everything from us.

"I got what I needed." I hate you Freshman representing North Korea. HATE YOU! You broke my heart.

The current Chinese leadership have connections with the North. The new Premier of China was working high up in the communist rankings on the border with North Korea .One of the seven in the Poliburo Standing Committee speaks fluent Korean and studied Economics at Pyongyang's Kim Il SUng University.

I was going to make a joke about it being a party college, then found the only pics are of the swimming pool. Holy Shit, Kim Il Sung U is COMPLETELY A PARTY COLLEGE!

Speaking of foreign exchanges, and No, I don't mean a swirling rim job sixtynine with an old Belgian woman by the name of Michelle, I don't know why you would say that, look at the numbers of Chinese people now living in Korea. My friend Rob ( he's cool) said on my Facebook wall that all the Chinese generals and Politburo members send their kids to Korean Universities. Therefore, North Korea would never bomb the south That's not true, though.

 

This is Michelle. Ooh La La

Just over 500,000 Chinese live in South Korea. That is a literal drop in the ocean of China's popularity. population. Also, those Chinese living in South Korea have not been treated so well. They are viewed with suspicion and hostility. Meanwhile all the uber rich and powerful Chinese offspring are in America getting degrees in Harvard.

Like a Boss's Daughter.

All this means China is close to Korea. Chairman Mao described the relationship 'as close as teeth and lips." In 2008, China supplied about 90% of North Korea's oil, 80% of its consumer goods and 45% of its food. Beijing was Pyongyang's only formal military ally and its primary backer in the United Nations Security Council and other diplomatic forums. If it  had not been for the policies set down by Hu Jin Tao from the early 2000s (and the acceptance of that by George Bush), there would be no North Korean missile program and no North Korean nuclear program. 

"George Bush LOVES nukes! Kanye, you're just being mean now!"

Really? Another Katrina Meme? Haven't those people suffered enough?

Fast forward to now. Kim Jong Eun, Or Fatty the Third as Chinese Social Media trolls call him, is held to be responsible for destroying what remains of the relationship.


"The favorable opinion of the Chinese public toward Pyongyang is fading," the Communist Party-affiliated newspaper Global Times cautiously wrote in an editorial Wednesday. It warned that North Korea's "latest provocation is further damaging its reputation and exhausting its future ability to use deterrence strategies."  (LA Times)

"To many in Beijing, North Korea is looking less like a strategic asset and more like a strategic burden," said Cheng Xiaohe, associate professor at Renmin University's School of International Studies.(NBC News)

Look at it, Kim Il Sung University of Pyongyang. LOOK AT IT. It's called a library.

So again, don't worry about it.

Because when China does this,

North Korea will do this,

Sick In Korea? HAHAHAHAHA!

So here is an interesting thing that happened to me a couple of years ago. After I went to my second ever TKD class in Daegu I came home with a slight twinge in my side. Well, I say a slight twinge. I mean like someone used a dull garden hoe to hack my stomach muscle to one side. I woke up and stumbled over to the other side of the room. My girlfriend who has fears relating to my nocturnal habits makes it clear I should not urinate on that site of the bedroom.

"David! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

When I make it clear I am holding my side and not something else she is of course empathetic to the situation and we make plans to see a doctor. Remember, I'm a nightwalker so I woke up at midday thinking that was bloody early. Of course with no doctor working 12-2 I found myself forced to go to work at 2. The nest twelve hours were agony. Walking from class to class, standing up through each class, my stomach was worse and worse. So 12 hours later with 12 hours of ever increasing pain I finally check into Kyoungpook University Emergency Hospital. The staff were friendly, helpful and I was diagnosed and medicated and made a slightly poorer man within three hours. I am not going totell you what I had. It was a thing goshdarnit and I was not happy. Yes, I am a tease.


Today's column is not about the hospital trip, although the man next to me clearly planned the hospital equivalent of the Dine and Dash and his attempt to remove his own IV and run out holding onto the blood coming out of his arm is a fun story.

"As you as you turn your back, I'm outta here."
"No, no you're not."
"I'll cut you."
"No, no you won't."

No; the crux of my story is this.The next day I wanted to take off. I was on medication, my side still hurt and I had not had enough sleep what with being in hospital all night. But this is Korea and short of having a government issued pandemic warning slapped on my bottom, I was going to have to go to work. Some of you don't have this problem because you work for such glorious institutes who have floater teachers and can cover you if you do fall ill. Readers, you can spot these people by their smug expressions whilst reading this column. If you can, give them a slap from me and try to convey in the connection just how jealous you are. Because you know you are. I know I am.

That's my hagwan, checking out Moon Khang's floaters.

When you phone up a hagwan and you declare yourself to be ill, of course they have the right to be suspicious. After all, we foreigners are well known as lazy drinking oafs who will take a sick day due to hangover at the drop of a hat. Did the dripping sarcasm make it through the type font? Of course they would want us to go to the doctor if we are sick. How do we know if we're throwing up feeling feverish or cannot stand up without collapsing? Again, not from alcohol poisoning but from genuine sickness. Again with the dripping sarcasm.

"Yes, that is the appropriate amount of sarcasm, Glaven."

Well back to my story. I had a doctor's note and I phoned my boss and told him I was taking the day off. He agreed after a stonewalling I am still proud of years later. He said he would come over that night to check on me. I assume this is because I may have been needing some help and not because he had a doctor's qualification. I mean, if he did,  he would be able to see if I was lying to him. The next day I came into work. All my Korean co-teachers were glad to see me. They expressed amazement  I came into work. They were delightful. My boss comes in and says literally; "Don't do that again." Do what? Get sick? Rip my abdominal muscle? Did he believe I did it on purpose? Why would I do that? It was a disappointing experience but at least I know if my boss is ever sick from Ebola, he did it just to spite me and because he doesn't care about kids.

"Kanye, George Bush is completely NEUTRAL to children. You just can't say that!"

A quick moment here. Let's check your contract rules. EFL Law suggest that 3 sick days be written in to your contract. If it is not in your contract your life is difficult. If you DO have that written in, look at the number of employees. If you got less than ten workers in your school, again a lot of the laws governing labor in this country go out the window.  So, let's start with you working at a larger hagwan and and you have Sick Leave written in your contract.  Your school is probably not going to just let you have a sick day. They will harangue you. They will hound you. They will in a word bully you.

But, you know, less subtly than this.

Look, in Korea they have the work ethic of showing up to work sneezing all over the place and making everyone else sick as well. If you don't have blood coming out of you at a vast rate, they don't care. If everyone else gets sick as well, they don't care. If all the kids get sick as a result, they don't care. By they, I mean the bad TEFL bosses. Not the evil ones, just the short term thinking pompous asses.

Less this.                    More this.

So you're going to have to work sick sometimes. I suggest the following. If you are genuinely sick, if you genuinely cannot move, if you genuinely believe you need the time off work, if you can get a doctor to agree with you, then go right ahead. Just know you are going to face an uphill battle.

What happens when you take time off for being sick. In Hell .

Let's finish the story. I was treated badly by that hagwan. I went to a new hagwan. When I was sick at that place, they said I should see a doctor and take the day off work. No worries no hassle. They just made me make up the hours anther day..Which, you know what? Fair enough. It could have been a lot, lot worse.