The Day Daegu Went To The Races

Another successful Saturday night.Your usual mix of drinks, fights, hugs, tears and laughter.

But that's another story.  I absentmindedly put the soccer player's jockstrap off my head and into my top shirt pocket. Again, that's another story. 

Yes, like a handkerchief.

I went to the taxi rank and stood in the organized line. We all dutifully waited our turn. Ha, how weird would that be! It wasn't a particularly memorable taxi-line fight. I held my end up but I felt the other participants were lacklustre at best. So after clotheslining the woman in the improbably high miniskirt I was free to choose my ride home. Her gurgled response from the bloodied Tarmac seemed to say 'You were right David.  These clothes were unsuitable to win a taxi fight.' I nodded to her, accepting her acceptance, and opened the taxi door.  That's when it all went wrong. 

The cab driver was listening intently to his cb. It was odd.  The guy was not watching TV.  He was not listening to Korean Traditional Trot. My ears thanked him. He seemed almost nervous. No, scratch that. He was anticipatory. Like a rapist watching a roofied victim slowly become relaxed, he seemed to be biding his time. I have ssen that look before. Whatever, I don't care. The dreams are fading and my music teacher still writes to me from prison.  Now who's crying?

Hopefully, Djokovic again.Come on, Murray!  Tennis, that's a real sport. LOL.

 I just wanted to go home.  I told him  where I lived in my perfect cabnbeerean.  Nothing.  I repeated myself, figuring he was one of those cabbies who needed repetitions.  Nothing. Suddenly the cb went off.  I would not normally notice except my drunken ability to understand Korean had somehow ameliorated to outstanding.  I understood everything being said. 

"Drivers to the start line. We got a race." The cab started. I was pushed back by the force into the seat. The bucket seat. Something was off. I looked around the inside of the cab. It was very bright.  J.J.Abrams would have been blinded by this lens flare. What the hell was going on?

The inside of the cab was not THAT different by Korean standards.

The cab drove through to the Kyoungpook Uni HospitalSubway  crossroads. The police had lined up the road for their night time drinks checks. Only.. Some cars were just waiting there.  And they were not your average Sonatas or Matizes.

Also, it appears they are on fire.

And one of the policeman looked oddly familiar. 

No way.

Best. Photoshop. Ever.

 It was then I also noticed something about my cabbie. It was not that he was lacking in Korean features. It was that he was overcompensating by having all kinds of Bro. There was so much Bro coming off this dude, I felt the sweaty strangulation of a thousand polo neck shirts being worn at once.  I looked across the way. There were signs this was not going to be your usual ride home.

The rules were simple. There were no rules. The other rules were: you had to get your fare home and back again. I laughed at this. I lived so close my boy just had to win.

"Hey man, what's your name?" I asked him.

"Pau - I mean, Brian. Brian Pillbox. Or something."  I was impressed with his ability to remember almost half his name.

"Brian, I live literally just down the road. You cannot lose."

"Oh man, That's what Liddy said. Then she died and came back to life."

"I'm sorry. I don't know what a Liddy is. I'm an English teacher. I use real words."

The next rule according to the ludicrously afroed policeman : go to the 24 hour burger King drive thru and collect whatever the fare wanted to eat.


"Dude, That's awesome. I want a double whopper no cheese, chicken royale, fuck it, I'll have a Royal Box. And a Coke  Zero."

Zero times any number equals zero. That's why I don't put on weight.

"No, you'll get a hamburger. A generic hamburger. Our shoot cannot afford to pay our sponsors."

 "BriPaul, I don't think that's how sponsorship works. And you say 'shoot', like this is a movie. Is this a movie? Am I going to be on Korean television every day for the next four months?"

"Shut up, just let me drive."

"Okay, but I do want a whopper."

"I told you! Generic names only!"

"Okay I'll eat a Biggie. Is that racist?"

"I honestly don't know what is racist anymore. I race against latinos, blacks and asians and I always seem to win. That can't be right, can it? I mean, the Law of Large Numbers would dictate I would lose eventually. But no, the white man is superior in every race. What's that all about? And I only lose to some guy whose ethnic background is so unknown, his DNA is probably some kind of pumped up quadruple Helix*."

Honestly, this may have been the most words that Paul Walker has ever said in a row. and I had to make it all up for it to happen.**

"Okay, well some kind of a large burger, then."

But seriously, I was hungry.

I'm just saying, this is the driver for fatties.

The cars lined up and we got ready to go. Man, I regretted winning that Taxi Line FIght...

TO BE CONTINUED

  *

Obligatory pic of the Deezer. "What is it Precious, WHAT IS IT?"

**Also, not to take away from the moment, but how funny was it to have his dopey bro accent say "Quadruple Helix'?

Smoper Fried Movie

Walking down my street, I do see some sites that constantly remind me I'm in Korea. The lettering, the large numbers of Korean people. (It's like they live  here.) However, my favorite reminder are the shop signs. There's a Papa Smurf all in green body paint and and a sign proclaiming Smoper Chicken. I lurve Korean pronunciation, I lurve associating Smurfs with Fried Chicken and I love this sign. I want to make sweet smoper to that smoper and smoper the hell out of anyone smopering my smopering.

As  an ELT teacher, I am awed and frightened by the ability to substitute any adverb, adjective, verb, noun at will with 'Smurf'. Well done, you cheeky little Avatars.

Walking down the street, I see bars called BMW, Porsche Volkswagen and a motel called Volvo. Apparently, after drinking has been recklessly associated with driving, you want to get your head down somewhere safe. 1980s Soccer Mom safe.  Did South Korea forget about copyright law, or am I missing something?

Ah, that's what I want to think about when I get sleepy. Sidenote, 1980s mothers were awesome see.here.

I could devote the entire post to the glory of these store signs. I am very tempted. I am so Smopering tempted, I really am. However, as an ELT ex pat teacher in South Korea, I think we should talk about the real issues.  After all, if we don't talk about it, how can we improve the situation? So, illegal downloading for a thousand please, Alex.

"I'm assuming it will involve a joke about your mother, Trebek."

In 2010, a very limited sample size of 8,500 people from 13 countries ( this sounds like its pathetic, no joke, I know more people than that in Daegu) showed South Korea was n0.2 in people who admit to downloading music for free. 60% of respondents went 'Yep, I totally did not pay for this.' The argument is they may have been listening to only snippets of songs so it's totally allowable under Korean Law. Um, what's that now?

30 seconds to a minute is just the tip of illegal downloading.

Ask people about downloading illegally in South Korea and you'll likely hear something like, "dude, it's fine. Just go toblahblahblah.com. Korea doesn't care." I thought that too. Then I read this back issue of The Economist. It states South Korea has THE TOUGHEST ANTI-PIRACY LAWS IN THE WORLD.
 

Say it with Brian Blessed's voice. Hell, say everything  in Brian Blessed's voice. Swoon.

So, what the hell, Korea? You are one of the most wired countries in the world. You have anti piracy laws but everyone (apparently) is downloading for free.

"
The dominant perception among many Koreans is that any downloading activities without the copyright owner’s permission is considered “illegal.” In fact though the Copyright Act of South Korea recognizes that reproduction of copyrighted works for private use is regarded as “fair use” under Article 30 of the Copyright of Act. Article 30 the Copyright Act states:

“A user may reproduce by himself a work already made public for the purpose of his personal, family, or other similar uses within a limited circle, not for profit purposes: provided that this shall not apply to reproduction by a photocopier set up for public use.”

Examples of reproduction for private use could include: recording TV drama to watch later, copying part of a textbook and converting a CD to MP3 for personal use. Downloading a movie from the Internet for private viewing is also protected under Article 30."


That little snippet is from free government info. If that's the case, then enjoy.

By the way, I am not condoning video piracy. I believe people should get paid for working and the Movie Industry are getting stiffed, which has all sorts of economic implications for the viewing public. This moment is not about that. I just want to know two things. One, is it illegal to download something in one country when it is made in another country where it is illegal? Two, If it is legal, why the hell do individual countries continue to exist when the Internet  connects everyone and circumvents national statutes?

I don't have all the answers. But I am adorable.

I guess it comes down to no follow through. If you break the law, there should be a punishment. When American laws fail to get the RIAA a final court settlement after Years of hounding Ms. Thomas-Rassett, it can assumed that it becomes prohibitive to pursue an individual downloading for their own perusal and pleasure. I can only imagine this situation will change in the future but, for now at least, illegal downlaoding will continue. As the vagueness of the Korean Government and Film Industry intentions and policies proceeds. let me leave you with this. Just Smoper it.

Korea, you glorious bastard.

P.S. I get I used these images and videos illegally. I get the irony.<----Am I using that word right?