The other 1,344,130,000 reasons North Korea is doing nothing

So a couple blogs back, I had a cheerleading moment, espousing the might of the U.S. military and the need for the Northern army to eat. While it was well and good to base all ny 'Pfffft'ing at North Korea on America's ability to Drone them back to the Joseon, I was actually missing a key ingredient.

"Is the key ingredient 'meat'? Seriously, I'm hungry, dude"

While America has been busy having lots of war and getting all the glory (classic Independence Day schtick), North Korea has been playing the rhetoric raise game and winning.  Any time they need something from the West (and South ) they got it. However, they don't get everything from us.

"I got what I needed." I hate you Freshman representing North Korea. HATE YOU! You broke my heart.

The current Chinese leadership have connections with the North. The new Premier of China was working high up in the communist rankings on the border with North Korea .One of the seven in the Poliburo Standing Committee speaks fluent Korean and studied Economics at Pyongyang's Kim Il SUng University.

I was going to make a joke about it being a party college, then found the only pics are of the swimming pool. Holy Shit, Kim Il Sung U is COMPLETELY A PARTY COLLEGE!

Speaking of foreign exchanges, and No, I don't mean a swirling rim job sixtynine with an old Belgian woman by the name of Michelle, I don't know why you would say that, look at the numbers of Chinese people now living in Korea. My friend Rob ( he's cool) said on my Facebook wall that all the Chinese generals and Politburo members send their kids to Korean Universities. Therefore, North Korea would never bomb the south That's not true, though.

 

This is Michelle. Ooh La La

Just over 500,000 Chinese live in South Korea. That is a literal drop in the ocean of China's popularity. population. Also, those Chinese living in South Korea have not been treated so well. They are viewed with suspicion and hostility. Meanwhile all the uber rich and powerful Chinese offspring are in America getting degrees in Harvard.

Like a Boss's Daughter.

All this means China is close to Korea. Chairman Mao described the relationship 'as close as teeth and lips." In 2008, China supplied about 90% of North Korea's oil, 80% of its consumer goods and 45% of its food. Beijing was Pyongyang's only formal military ally and its primary backer in the United Nations Security Council and other diplomatic forums. If it  had not been for the policies set down by Hu Jin Tao from the early 2000s (and the acceptance of that by George Bush), there would be no North Korean missile program and no North Korean nuclear program. 

"George Bush LOVES nukes! Kanye, you're just being mean now!"

Really? Another Katrina Meme? Haven't those people suffered enough?

Fast forward to now. Kim Jong Eun, Or Fatty the Third as Chinese Social Media trolls call him, is held to be responsible for destroying what remains of the relationship.


"The favorable opinion of the Chinese public toward Pyongyang is fading," the Communist Party-affiliated newspaper Global Times cautiously wrote in an editorial Wednesday. It warned that North Korea's "latest provocation is further damaging its reputation and exhausting its future ability to use deterrence strategies."  (LA Times)

"To many in Beijing, North Korea is looking less like a strategic asset and more like a strategic burden," said Cheng Xiaohe, associate professor at Renmin University's School of International Studies.(NBC News)

Look at it, Kim Il Sung University of Pyongyang. LOOK AT IT. It's called a library.

So again, don't worry about it.

Because when China does this,

North Korea will do this,

Cherryblossoms and Seder Plates

When you hear a good story, you rarely check out the validity. Even in a world filled with wireless encyclopedias and snopes.com, if the story is interesting people are content to let the story lie. This is not that kind of story. I insist you check out details and get to the bottom of the story. Assuming you can. With that proviso, let the conscious streaming begin.

This week sees two events occurring in my life. As a Jew, we got Passover. A festival commemorating the enslavement of the Jewish people in Egypt, and celebrating the freedom of said slavery. The other event is the blooming of the Cherryblossom in South Korea celebrating a bunch of trees having flowers for about a minute.

If you're Jewish, to know the festival of Passover is to know the Four cups of wine, the four questions, the dry mouth hell of matzah crackers and the ridiculously long service hours with nothing more than parsley in salt water and an egg to keep us going. Truly, we are a people that suffer.

I cannot believe I just typed in 'Jews Crying' My rabbi was SO right about me..

If you're an expat in Korea, welcome to the Hellmouth. The long walks down Cherryblossom Lane, Your Town will be filled with thousands of other people. Your loved one will want to Instagram the shit out of every bloody branch. It will last far too long. There will not be parsley nor egg. Truly, as a people expats suffer. Then, the blossoms will drop and get mushy and cake your shoe and it will be AWFUL. 

Gah!

 Not slavery in Egypt awful, or bondage to Japanese oppressors awful but still, I mean, it's gross.Hang on, how am I segue-way ing into the Japanese? Because, as we all know in our hipster, geek glasses nose pushing way, the Japanese planted the cherry blossom in Korea.

"I believe the debate is about  Prunus × yedoensis. No Big Deal."

The Japanese as part of their colonialist process would plant cherry blossoms. They did so all over the country and often in key, sacrosanct locations. They went on to introducing watching the cherry blossom to the ROK.I mean, while they did other, more terrible things. Ask your co teacher.

"Wait, wait, WAIT! The Japanese did WHAT to Korea?"

The cherry blossom has been used in the past a massive symbol of Japanese Militarism. Souls of soldiers were compared to the blossom and kamikaze pilots would have the flower painted on the side of the plane. Between the Rising Sun logo and the cherry blossom, the Japanese military had more choices than the Nazis and their swastikas.

I looked up Google images of Nazi uniforms to make a joke. I couldn't do it. Here's a puppy though. PUPPY! The safety net of blogger journalism.

My perspective as a Western Jew to this process is fairly knee jerk. When you are raised to 'never forget' a phrase that Autocorrect just changed to 'beer fur get' incidentally, it's good to be reminded. It's good to be reminded just how many different groups of people have suffered through the hands of another race. How their occupation and enslavement was not thousands of years ago but decades or even less.

I'm talking to you, World.

As the Jews have their Seder Plate, rites and rituals carefully handed down, so too the Koreans with their trees. So, enjoy your walk. Just Never Forget.
 

And again, puppy.Also, the next one will be less sanctimonious. I promise.