The other 1,344,130,000 reasons North Korea is doing nothing

So a couple blogs back, I had a cheerleading moment, espousing the might of the U.S. military and the need for the Northern army to eat. While it was well and good to base all ny 'Pfffft'ing at North Korea on America's ability to Drone them back to the Joseon, I was actually missing a key ingredient.

"Is the key ingredient 'meat'? Seriously, I'm hungry, dude"

While America has been busy having lots of war and getting all the glory (classic Independence Day schtick), North Korea has been playing the rhetoric raise game and winning.  Any time they need something from the West (and South ) they got it. However, they don't get everything from us.

"I got what I needed." I hate you Freshman representing North Korea. HATE YOU! You broke my heart.

The current Chinese leadership have connections with the North. The new Premier of China was working high up in the communist rankings on the border with North Korea .One of the seven in the Poliburo Standing Committee speaks fluent Korean and studied Economics at Pyongyang's Kim Il SUng University.

I was going to make a joke about it being a party college, then found the only pics are of the swimming pool. Holy Shit, Kim Il Sung U is COMPLETELY A PARTY COLLEGE!

Speaking of foreign exchanges, and No, I don't mean a swirling rim job sixtynine with an old Belgian woman by the name of Michelle, I don't know why you would say that, look at the numbers of Chinese people now living in Korea. My friend Rob ( he's cool) said on my Facebook wall that all the Chinese generals and Politburo members send their kids to Korean Universities. Therefore, North Korea would never bomb the south That's not true, though.

 

This is Michelle. Ooh La La

Just over 500,000 Chinese live in South Korea. That is a literal drop in the ocean of China's popularity. population. Also, those Chinese living in South Korea have not been treated so well. They are viewed with suspicion and hostility. Meanwhile all the uber rich and powerful Chinese offspring are in America getting degrees in Harvard.

Like a Boss's Daughter.

All this means China is close to Korea. Chairman Mao described the relationship 'as close as teeth and lips." In 2008, China supplied about 90% of North Korea's oil, 80% of its consumer goods and 45% of its food. Beijing was Pyongyang's only formal military ally and its primary backer in the United Nations Security Council and other diplomatic forums. If it  had not been for the policies set down by Hu Jin Tao from the early 2000s (and the acceptance of that by George Bush), there would be no North Korean missile program and no North Korean nuclear program. 

"George Bush LOVES nukes! Kanye, you're just being mean now!"

Really? Another Katrina Meme? Haven't those people suffered enough?

Fast forward to now. Kim Jong Eun, Or Fatty the Third as Chinese Social Media trolls call him, is held to be responsible for destroying what remains of the relationship.


"The favorable opinion of the Chinese public toward Pyongyang is fading," the Communist Party-affiliated newspaper Global Times cautiously wrote in an editorial Wednesday. It warned that North Korea's "latest provocation is further damaging its reputation and exhausting its future ability to use deterrence strategies."  (LA Times)

"To many in Beijing, North Korea is looking less like a strategic asset and more like a strategic burden," said Cheng Xiaohe, associate professor at Renmin University's School of International Studies.(NBC News)

Look at it, Kim Il Sung University of Pyongyang. LOOK AT IT. It's called a library.

So again, don't worry about it.

Because when China does this,

North Korea will do this,

Chest Beating Gets Reactions

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are all going to die! North Korea! AAAAHHH...Hmmm. Wait a second........



In recent weeks, the whole world has watched with bated breathe as North Korea has upped the ante.In March 2013, North Korea announced that it was scrapping all non-aggression pacts with South Korea, along with other escalations such as closing the border and closing the direct phone line between the two Koreas^. North Korea stated that it had the right to make a preemptive nuclear attack^. Following American B52 fly overs, North Korean state media announced that it was readying rockets to be on standby to attack U.S. targets.

I may have misheard. Sexily.

The non North Korean response was like a schoolyard full of big kids suddenly seeing the mullet kid with a samurai sword. It was mostly a mixture of 'Holy shit, we are all going to die!" with just a soupcon of  "Seriously? Can we just murder this fool and get back to Cops and Robbers?" For example, Russia has made it clear everyone should calm the hell down, while reminding North Korea isolationism does it no favors.

For most long time Ex Pats, this latest act of chest beating is eye rollingly embarrassing. We have relations back home who skype and mail us. They say things like, " Oh my goodness, You're all going to die!" Then we reply "Sigh. North Korea is just joking, Mum." The fact is, the North has announced that it will no longer abide by the armistice at least 6 times, in the years 1994, 1996, 2003, 2006, 2009, and 2013. That's standing up, going to the window and shouting as loudly as you can "I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"               Then you continue to take it. Six times.

"I have no follow through!"

North Korea has one of the largest armies in the world, a power crazed egomaniac for a ruler who has a point to prove and a recent assassination attempt to shake off. Why the hell aren't we scared? Check here to see North Korea has over a million ground troops and all their funky toys for boys 150 KM above the DMZ. Check here to look over North Korea's history of misinformation with regard to its Nuclear weapon development. According to that second link, they probably have one or two nuclear missiles that would work on the peninsula.

"Seriously, Will, shave that off and we'll make you the biggest star in Hollywood."

So, shit. This whole time, while we have been laughing at ineffectual North Korea, they have apparently been getting ready to blow the crap out of the ROK. I am STILL not worried.I am not saying there have not been acts of aggression by the Northern Armed Forces.The Cheonan was sunk in 2010 and 46 South Koreans died. In 2009 , a number of North Koreans died. In 1999 30 North Koreans were killed in another skirmish.
 So let's say in the last 14 years less than 200 people have died as a result of North-South Fighting. That's terrible for those families but as a comparison, well it's nowhere on the List of wars and anthropogenic disasters by death toll.  BTdubs,China has five of the top ten on that list.

Not so much with the delivery. All about the taking out.

 Let's now add in the high levels of starvation in the North. Within their own borders, famine, concentration camps and purges have led to over 1.2 million deaths from 1993 to 2008. So, from the time most of you started High school to before you came to South Korea , the equivalent of one out of two people in Daegu died in North Korea at the hands of the North Korean government. If the Northern Infantry ever made it over the DMZ, they would stop at the first McDonald's and eat it. We should be more worried we run out of food than bullets. 

The best way to deal with the Northern Army

Assuming the ground forces ever get past the American forces. That is, the largest army in the whole world with the latest weapons, training and all around Roman Empire. I saw a thing for this. Wait, where did  I put it?

.Oh yeah, I remember now. So, look if you want to freak out about North Korea invading, go do that. There are too many other things for me to worry about. Meanwhile,

LOOK AT THE PUPPY!