Sunday 2 November 2014

Life Hacks to Downtown Daegu

Downtown Daegu can be so hard, you know? If only there was some way to make life easier and less, you know, stressful. You know?

1) Get served at Gogos quicker
Go inside Gogos. Order at the bar and save 25 minutes on waiting time for death cocktail. 
                  There are so many cars trying to get through right now.


2) Need a poop?
Don't poop in bars. They're awful cesspools.  Go to one of the coffee shops. Do NOT go into galbi restaurant toilets. They have giant spiders and poop stains from yesteryear. 
       You, on a Saturday night , when you look up in a restaurant cubicle in Galbi Alley.

3) Live music venues are for live music listeners. 
Don't go watch your mate in a band if you're going to complain about the shitty audio. Ain't nobody got time for that. Go to your super classy Club Klassy Fokkers, where the audio is surely to their credit.
                      
                           Commune's was not ready for their brand of Speed Metal.
  
4) Learn when curfew is happening. 
Bar serve times will drop off dramatically. Also, the chance of you getting into trouble for referring to the Red Six as a 'Rounders team for silly little girls' drops off significantly.
          
                              Shrugging your shoulders and saying 'Sports, eh?' will not help.

5) Do not pee in the street.
We are in the city, in the 21st Century. Take the obligatory three steps into an alley or up a closed business's stairwell to do your business. 
                     
                           This guy only pees on the finest establishment's stairwells. 

     


6) Do not ask for baggy drinks to be made stronger more than once. 
Respect yourself.
        
           This guy asked for a stronger June Bug. He has been in a coma in this position for a week.

7) Keep that shit to yourself. 
 If you find a lovely, quiet mellow bar, do not tell anyone else about it. When you want to leave the over bass and under thrill of the other bars, you'll be thankful for the hour spent alone at a bar reading your book. 
        
    "Yep, definitely at Thursday's, as well. Get me a shot. I'll meet you by the pong table. For realzys."

8) Choose sexual partners accordingly.
If you are looking for a hook up at 3AM, ask yourself honestly what level of self respect do you have. If the answer is a lot, I honestly don't know what to tell you. Well done, I suppose. For the rest of you troglodytes, you have Who's Bob.
          
                                 Ladies, the Walk Of Shame is named as such for a reason. 

9) Taxis choices.
When getting a cab home, decide at the start if you trust the cab or not. If you do, slump into unconsciousness. If you don't, give him directions. Do not start shouting at him frantically halfway through your journey. Be better than me.
         
                  Also, do not confuse this for a taxi cab. Be better than my Mudfest friends.



10) Budget your drinking effectively. 
Daegu Drivers are three parts soju, three parts OJ, one part cider. Bamboo soju will do nicely. Captain Q is easy, the Chinese glass liquor should be avoided at all costs. Trust me. Trust my fractured liver.
        
                                                    Seriously, can we help this guy?