Taking a moment after camp

Well, this is a private relection post more than a comedy posting. Yes, I know I put it on my Facebook wall, my twitter feed and even shared it on Google Plus. How will people know I am having a self reflective moment if I don't tell them about it. Pay attention, I'm doing stuff.

Finished camp. That thing is a bugger.  Not the camp itself, since the classes I had were delightful except for that One Kid and the lessons were simple. Plus, I had no presentation to worry about. Getting up early is not pleasant. Getting up early with someone who also does not like getting up is not pleasant.  However, we treated the process like a pair of WW2 POW English wallahs and accepted we were both in it and there is nothing we can do about it so we should just get along with each other.

Of course, now that camp is finished, we are still not having a pleasant sleeping process due to cat sitting. The cats are young and curious and not afraid to try stupid things. It is also possible to say we have not kitten proofed the flat. Well, they are very cool felines and when they are relaxing on your bed and watching Harvey Birdman licking their balls and then each other's faces , life could certainly be worse.

Finally, my knee. It hurts. I will get  an MRI on that very soon and will post a humorous blog about it thereafter. I will probably need surgery  so am hoping y school will not fire me, evict me and try to kick me out of the country. No wait, I don't work for those bitches anymore. 

What do you want vs What do you Need :Why New Year's Resolutions need a change.

Every year, New Year's Resolutions fail miserably to change a damn thing. People react to their failure with anger, or sadness, or feigned nonchalance.Gym memberships go wanting after the first six weeks. You never learn more than a few chords on the guitar. You continur to leave for wor work in a rush and don't eat a balanced diet.

Here's why, in my opinion.

You don't want any of that crap at all.

You may need it. You may die if you don't do that thing. Quitting smoking is a big deal but you're probably going to smoke again. I am only going  by stats. And then you;re going to die. Again, not me, just stats. You may need a better diet, or a steady level of exercise ( or, any exercise) but you'll stop.

No one likes needing to do something. It's an ultimatum, a deal breaker. Humans hate those. When pushed into a metaphysical corner ( one of the worst kinds of corners IMO) we tend to lash out at everything until we are resigned to our fate. Broken. No one wants to be broken.

Want. That's the thing. We are a rare species that has developed a love for our poisons. Very few animals go out of their way to over indulge in things that will kill them. Some, but they are noticeable in their irregularity. Humans want everything. Bigger, faster, compacted, focused. Better.

So maybe we should change the idea from needing to do something to wanting to do something. Make it specific. I have a friend who is in awe of the US arine Corps. SHe realises she is too old and too creaky to do their whole course. She just wants to achieve ten per cent. Women need to do 30 pull ups to enter the marines. There's some other stuff presumably, but this is a thing that washes out fifty per cent of marine applicants. She is aiming to do just three. Good luck to her. I can't do one. Can you? Good for you. I can't.

Make it something specific, and the desire to achieve becomes achievable. Have a more balanced diet? How about not eating McDonalds? Want to get healthier? Take the public transpoirt and not a cab, walk the difference. Want to stop smoking? DON'T BUY CIGARETTES! <-----Seriously, this helps.

Yes, I know these are all tiny things that really won't make a see change. I don't think you need to do that. Right now, you want to make a difference in your lifestyle that will improve your ego. When that is done, then you can improve on that change. Realistically. Systemically. Believably.

You are19 days into your resolution. How is it going and what is the next step?

A Bad Day Spiral.

Some days really suck. You are in the middle of your pay schedule so you do not have a lot of funds and you have far, far too long to the next pay cheque. You know you should not be living pay cheque to pay cheque and you castigate yourself over that because you are not the offspring of your responsible parents.  You are halfway through the teaching schedule for Winter Camp and the combination of sleep deprivation, mismanaged course schedules and kids high on life has you going slightly crazy.  And you have other shit going on. Deep, mysterious shit no one else could possibly understand nor process more successfully than you.

Life is super tough.

You go through the day picking at all the things going wrong for you. The bus did not wait for you. You were too heavy for the building lift and were unceremoniously kicked out by a grumpy ajumma. Your co worker is all sweetness and light then tells you she wants you to make a test for the class in the enxt ten minutes. Your phone falls into a cup of coffee. A kid kicks you in the shins. The subway charges your passcard twice for the same journey. Your friends and family seem to have got their entire act together and you don't even know your lines half the time. People getting engaged, married, having kids, buying houses, being *successful*. And you are not.

Well now hang on a minute.

You have a job. You have a house. You are eminently employable. You have friends. You have family. You have food in the fridge. You have clothes. You have heating and light. You're not doing too bad.

This day is like any other. Yes, some bad stuff happened. You missed that bus but another one will come along soon. Your co worker may have trouble explaining when you have to do things. Your levels of preparedness are increasing even as we speak and you certainly should not get stressed over their mistake. Yes, Winter Camp is hard for some people. Yes, Mid month is  shitty time, especially after Xmas and New Year's.  But you are going to make it. You always do.

I have a busted knee and thought I was going to have no way of paying for it. My school has since set me up with insurance and I have a charitable benfactor to help me out. My school has been super lovely to me and it is going to all work out. Something happens. Don't get me wrong. Sometimes, that thing has to be from you, and that is the hardest thing. Digging deep, finding the energy to fix your situation. Finding the ability to ask for help when you normally would not. FInding the skill to act indepeneedntly when you normally wouldn't.

However, your problem is solved, you know it will not be the end of your world. It will, in time, be a footnote. So do not let it get you down. This, like eveyrthing else, will pass.

But seriously, some days really do suck.

That One Kid

I have a class. They are mostly a bunch of good guys. Some of them are extroverts.  Some of them are shy and quiet.  Some are talented.  Some are lumps of meat. I have a class and it is like any other, taught by any other teacher in any other school.  

And I have this one kid.  Let's call him Dick.  Dick refuses to recognize the classroom dynamic. Dick has no teacher and no classmates, no TA and no principal. He has a desk and a chair. He has a book and whatever is in his bookbag. I have learned to assume it is almost never his pencil. 

Dick is all at once imprisoned and utterly free. He hates being in his chair and hates being in his classroom. He shows this by wriggling out of his chair and hiding under the table. He hates following lesson. He is at pains to being diametrically opposed to the lesson plan.  When the class chants he silently hits the desk with his book.  When the class is listening to a student perform their work, he sings maniacal nonsense songs, using his book as a megaphone. When I ask him to be quiet he is louder.  When I try to elicit a response from him he is silent as a rock. 

So, yeah, this one student I have, Dick? He is disruptive.  He hits other students and talks to others. He takes up a lot of my time and the TA's time,  time that should be spread equally amongst the class as a whole.  He stops other students hearing instruction and he slows the rhythm of the class.  

I have this kid.  He's responsible for making me think of newer and more exciting programs.  He pushes me to create more immersive, more approachable lessons.  He keeps me on my guard constantly, my time keeping and peripheral vision skills pushed to their utmost. I am exhausted after lessons with him.  And I know I have to do it all again tomorrow with him. 

I have this one kid called Dick.  When I get that kid into my lesson, even if it is for one minute , one sentence, one moment .... and I mean in that lesson, utterly engaged, yep, it's worth it. I feel strong and alive, successful and validated.  This kid did that to me. 

I have this one kid.  Lets call him Dick.  He's awesome.