Sick In Korea? HAHAHAHAHA!

So here is an interesting thing that happened to me a couple of years ago. After I went to my second ever TKD class in Daegu I came home with a slight twinge in my side. Well, I say a slight twinge. I mean like someone used a dull garden hoe to hack my stomach muscle to one side. I woke up and stumbled over to the other side of the room. My girlfriend who has fears relating to my nocturnal habits makes it clear I should not urinate on that site of the bedroom.

"David! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

When I make it clear I am holding my side and not something else she is of course empathetic to the situation and we make plans to see a doctor. Remember, I'm a nightwalker so I woke up at midday thinking that was bloody early. Of course with no doctor working 12-2 I found myself forced to go to work at 2. The nest twelve hours were agony. Walking from class to class, standing up through each class, my stomach was worse and worse. So 12 hours later with 12 hours of ever increasing pain I finally check into Kyoungpook University Emergency Hospital. The staff were friendly, helpful and I was diagnosed and medicated and made a slightly poorer man within three hours. I am not going totell you what I had. It was a thing goshdarnit and I was not happy. Yes, I am a tease.


Today's column is not about the hospital trip, although the man next to me clearly planned the hospital equivalent of the Dine and Dash and his attempt to remove his own IV and run out holding onto the blood coming out of his arm is a fun story.

"As you as you turn your back, I'm outta here."
"No, no you're not."
"I'll cut you."
"No, no you won't."

No; the crux of my story is this.The next day I wanted to take off. I was on medication, my side still hurt and I had not had enough sleep what with being in hospital all night. But this is Korea and short of having a government issued pandemic warning slapped on my bottom, I was going to have to go to work. Some of you don't have this problem because you work for such glorious institutes who have floater teachers and can cover you if you do fall ill. Readers, you can spot these people by their smug expressions whilst reading this column. If you can, give them a slap from me and try to convey in the connection just how jealous you are. Because you know you are. I know I am.

That's my hagwan, checking out Moon Khang's floaters.

When you phone up a hagwan and you declare yourself to be ill, of course they have the right to be suspicious. After all, we foreigners are well known as lazy drinking oafs who will take a sick day due to hangover at the drop of a hat. Did the dripping sarcasm make it through the type font? Of course they would want us to go to the doctor if we are sick. How do we know if we're throwing up feeling feverish or cannot stand up without collapsing? Again, not from alcohol poisoning but from genuine sickness. Again with the dripping sarcasm.

"Yes, that is the appropriate amount of sarcasm, Glaven."

Well back to my story. I had a doctor's note and I phoned my boss and told him I was taking the day off. He agreed after a stonewalling I am still proud of years later. He said he would come over that night to check on me. I assume this is because I may have been needing some help and not because he had a doctor's qualification. I mean, if he did,  he would be able to see if I was lying to him. The next day I came into work. All my Korean co-teachers were glad to see me. They expressed amazement  I came into work. They were delightful. My boss comes in and says literally; "Don't do that again." Do what? Get sick? Rip my abdominal muscle? Did he believe I did it on purpose? Why would I do that? It was a disappointing experience but at least I know if my boss is ever sick from Ebola, he did it just to spite me and because he doesn't care about kids.

"Kanye, George Bush is completely NEUTRAL to children. You just can't say that!"

A quick moment here. Let's check your contract rules. EFL Law suggest that 3 sick days be written in to your contract. If it is not in your contract your life is difficult. If you DO have that written in, look at the number of employees. If you got less than ten workers in your school, again a lot of the laws governing labor in this country go out the window.  So, let's start with you working at a larger hagwan and and you have Sick Leave written in your contract.  Your school is probably not going to just let you have a sick day. They will harangue you. They will hound you. They will in a word bully you.

But, you know, less subtly than this.

Look, in Korea they have the work ethic of showing up to work sneezing all over the place and making everyone else sick as well. If you don't have blood coming out of you at a vast rate, they don't care. If everyone else gets sick as well, they don't care. If all the kids get sick as a result, they don't care. By they, I mean the bad TEFL bosses. Not the evil ones, just the short term thinking pompous asses.

Less this.                    More this.

So you're going to have to work sick sometimes. I suggest the following. If you are genuinely sick, if you genuinely cannot move, if you genuinely believe you need the time off work, if you can get a doctor to agree with you, then go right ahead. Just know you are going to face an uphill battle.

What happens when you take time off for being sick. In Hell .

Let's finish the story. I was treated badly by that hagwan. I went to a new hagwan. When I was sick at that place, they said I should see a doctor and take the day off work. No worries no hassle. They just made me make up the hours anther day..Which, you know what? Fair enough. It could have been a lot, lot worse.